Tesla Robotaxi Update: Now With 14 Crashes and a Bonus Hospital Visit — Progress!

Tesla’s Austin Robotaxi fleet just hit a new milestone: 5 fresh crashes between December and January, bringing the grand total to 14 since launch in 2025.

NHTSA breakdown:

• Bumping into objects
• Kissing buses
• Hugging trucks
• And one lucky earlier incident upgraded to “now includes hospitalization” edition

Current stats: Robotaxi crash rate = 4× worse than the average human driver.

Translation: Your average Austin Uber driver is statistically four times safer than a Tesla with no human in the driver’s seat… and the safety monitor is basically just there to scream “I TOLD YOU!” in real time.

Meanwhile the Robotaxis are out here collecting fender-benders like Pokémon cards: “Gotta crash ‘em all!”

Elon somewhere: “Every crash is just valuable training data.” Safety monitor: “Yeah… training data for my therapy bills.”

At this rate the Austin Robotaxi fleet will either achieve full autonomy… or achieve full infamy as “the most expensive bumper-car ride in Texas.”

Who’s volunteering to be the next safety monitor? The job now includes hazard pay, a helmet, and unlimited emotional support snacks.