CATL Just Dropped a Battery That Can Outlive Your Grandkids (and Still Charge in 12 Minutes)

CATL casually walks in and says:

“Here’s our new 5C battery.

• 0–80% in ~12 minutes
• Lasts 1.8 million kilometers
• Keeps 80% capacity after 3,000 full charge cycles
• Roughly 6× longer life than the current industry average
• Loves being fast-charged every single day”

Meanwhile the rest of the battery world is still arguing about whether 800 cycles is “good enough.”

This thing is basically immortal. You could buy one today, drive it daily, hand it down to your kids, they hand it down to their kids, and it’ll still be at 80% when your grandchildren are arguing about whose turn it is to inherit the car.

Owner in 2075: “Grandpa, the battery icon still says 80%… is this thing haunted?” Grandpa: “No son, CATL just built it to survive the heat death of the universe.”

Tesla owners in the comments: “Cool… but does it come with a free Cybertruck to put it in?”

CATL: “We didn’t just make a battery. We made a family heirloom that also happens to charge faster than you can finish a coffee.”