Tesla’s New Patent: Your Car Now Gets Better Wi-Fi Than Your House… From Space

🚨 Tesla just patented a roof that turns your car into a rolling Starlink dish.

Translation: Soon your Model Y will have faster internet in the middle of nowhere than your home router has in the middle of downtown.

Imagine: You’re lost in the desert, zero bars, but your Tesla is streaming 8K Netflix, downloading FSD updates, and live-tweeting “lol humans still use cell towers” — all while the roof quietly chats with satellites like it’s no big deal.

Elon somewhere cackling: “Why stop at autonomy when your car can have better connectivity than 90% of the planet?”

Bonus features coming soon:

• “Starlink Premium” subscription: $99/month for no buffering during road-trip arguments
• Phantom satellite braking (when a pigeon flies in front of a low-orbit bird)
• Kids in the back: “Dad, the car has better Wi-Fi than home… can we just live in it?”

Traditional automakers reading the patent: “Wait… we were supposed to put the antenna INSIDE the roof? We’ve been bolting shark fins on like it’s 2005.”

The future is here, folks. Your Tesla won’t just drive itself — it’ll have stronger signal in the wilderness than you do in your own kitchen.

Who’s ready to never lose a Zoom call again… even on Mars? 🌌🚗