Elon Just Gave Tesla FSD the Superpower Every Human Driver Already Has: Reading Hand Signals

Elon Musk just casually announced the next FSD upgrade like it’s no big deal:

“Full Self-Driving can now understand hand signals from cyclists, construction workers, cops, and random angry dudes on the road.”

Translation: After billions of miles of training data, trillions of parameters, and years of promises, Tesla finally taught the car to do the one thing your 16-year-old self learned in two weeks of driver’s ed: “Look at the guy waving his arms and figure out what he wants.”

FSD before: “I see a human flailing. Probably nothing. Proceed at full confidence.” FSD after: “Ah yes, the universal ‘STOP YOU IDIOT’ gesture. Yielding like a pro.”

Now the car can finally understand:

• Cyclist’s frantic “don’t kill me” wave
• Construction worker’s “go around the cone forest” point
• Cop’s “pull over before I lose my mind” palm
• That one uncle at the family BBQ who still thinks hand signals are better than blinkers

Musk: “This makes FSD far safer than human driving.” Every human driver reading this: “Bro… we’ve been doing this since the Model T. Welcome to the club.”

Next upgrade: FSD learns to read middle fingers and responds with a polite “my bad” chime. We’re so close to true sentience.

Who’s ready for the day your Tesla waves back at a cyclist like “I see you, king”?