2025 Used-Car Reliability rankings and… Tesla is officially the king of “Nope.”

🚨 Consumer Reports just dropped the 2025 Used-Car Reliability rankings and… Tesla is officially the king of “Nope.” 👑💩

Dead. Last.

26th out of 26 brands.

They didn’t just lose… they beat Jeep by half a point. That’s like losing a beauty contest to a dumpster fire and still getting a participation ribbon.

Owners of 5–10-year-old Teslas are out here reporting more issues than a Windows Vista support forum:

• Touchscreen throws a tantrum
• Door handles play hide-and-seek
• Battery decides it identifies as a potato
• Random ghost braking because the car saw a scary cloud

Meanwhile, Lexus, Toyota, and Mazda are up top like: “300,000 miles? Cute. My 2012 Corolla just asked if it can keep going till 1 million.” 🗿

Tesla fans: “But… but… the new ones are better!” Consumer Reports: “Cool story. This survey is about the used ones you’re actually trying to buy right now.” 😬

Moral of the story: If you want a used Tesla, bring two things:

1. A thick wallet for repairs
2. A priest (some of these cars need an exorcism)